Slut shaming is a problem across all aspects of our sexual lives but in kink relationships and partnerships my experience of slut shaming has given me a few insights in to how it can damage your kink play and prevent you from realising your ideal kink life.
I’ve been SIRs boy now for almost six months and SIR keeps taking me to higher and higher levels of training and enjoyment. I haven’t experienced anything like it in any of my previous kink adventures. The major difference is that SIR has been careful to foster a partnership where I can express myself and my fantasies without feeling slut shamed or embarrassed. It’s a hugely important thing. It allows me to be spontaneous and take some initiative when trying to please SIR knowing that if I don’t quite get it right that I’m not going to be made to feel unworthy or shamed for it.
In previous encounters with Doms I have always held back and on occasions hidden what I wanted and needed to avoid being made to feel like I was a cheater or a slut or unworthy. This caused me to become resentful of many Doms control and the lack of satisfaction that I was getting.
An atmosphere of open non judgemental communication means that both of us can discuss freely what we want and what we enjoy. It is not weak for Doms to please their subs. Most Doms I have met just took what they wanted and gave nothing back because they thought that the subs only pleasure should be to serve. It just doesn’t work like that. Willing submission is a key component of a good kink partnership. SIR takes such good care of me that there are days when I find myself longing to throw myself at his feet and worship him, our play sessions are the most satisfying I have ever had. My enjoyment means that I have a stake in our play and that makes me serve better.
If you are a Dom reading this then please treat all your subs needs as valid and important even if they do not align with your own. Forcing a sub to comply only with things that you are interested in will just push your sub to look elsewhere. Keep communication open, you don’t have to do everything the sub wants, you are in charge. You should allow this discussion to help inform your choices for play and punishments, there are ways to allow your sub to explore – where you can still maintain your power if you are willing to engage in a respectful manner.
Some subs like myself enjoy playing with more than one partner. Do not slut shame risky or promiscuous behaviour as this has the tendency to push this behaviour in to the shadows. It’s important to speak about having other partners openly. SIR allows me play with others so long as I follow the protocols he has set in place. I must remain caged and collared at all times and I must report back to SIR afterwards. These protocols actually add to my enjoyment and focus my submission to SIR as my owner. Different arrangements work for different partnerships, in the past I’ve had to be monogamous and that simply isn’t something I enjoy.
Importantly looking after your sexual health is non negotiable. Adult play grounds bring adult consequences. Slut shaming can cause us to not get tested, not share and/or not be honest about our results. Slut shaming can cause us not to report damage from a play session or even an assault. These can have very real and very traumatic results and so please make sure you talk about it openly and respectfully with your Dom/sub. Doms are as responsible for a subs safety just as much as as a sub is responsible for a Doms.
Have fun and enjoy exploring. Do you have anything to add? Any safety tips? Leave a comment below and tell us.