Trust is a key element of any partnership but in a kink partnership I have found it even more so, especially when you are using restrains or engaging in risky things like breath play.
I have come to realise that Sir ( my Dom ) is a Unicorn.
Sir has been very careful to build my trust in him and the result is that I have become much more open to things that would have been limits for me previously. In the past there simply hasn’t been enough trust for me to fully give myself over to previous doms. Willing submission is a key tenet of kink play, it cannot occur without trust and trust requires open communication and respect for limits.
Sirs training recently has begun to include breath play (choking ) and deep throating. Both of these are things that I have been keen to try but which require a lot of trust. In the past I haven’t felt comfortable enough with my partners to really enjoy this. Yesterdays session with Sir was the first time that I felt really confident enough to give myself over completely to Sir and put my safety in his hands. The result was that we both reached a new level of enjoyment I hadn’t experienced before.
So how do you build trust in a kink partnership?
Open communication without slut shaming or judgement is incredibly important.
A sub should feel like they can share anything with their dom about what they enjoy and what their limits are.
Slut shaming your sub can make them feel unworthy or that their own needs are unreasonable. This is never the case and if you are a sub you should not submit yourself to a dom who treats you in this way.
Slut shaming or judging your sub can also lead to them taking risks, keeping quiet about their limits, or not stopping play that causes them an injury. This is unacceptable, it can leave your sub depressed and even feeling abused. As a dom you are responsible for your subs safety and well being, mind AND body.
Knowing what you are both interested in will make training far more satisfying physically and mentally. In the past I have had doms who were only concerned with their own needs and disregarded their subs as “just there to serve”. Why would I submit willingly to a dom who does nothing for me?
It’s impossible to trust someone who consistently does things you have told them not too.
A dom who does not respect limits does not understand consent and is unworthy of your service.
NO MEANS NO!
As a sub always remember your limits are to be respected and play must be consensual. A dom may push your limits if you have spoken about what is acceptable to you. Sometimes pushing a limit can expand your experience and help you reach new levels of enjoyment. To facilitate this always use safe words and something like the “red, yellow, green” system.
Red = STOP IMMEDIATELY.
Yellow = I’m reaching my limit but I’m okay to keep going.
Green = Please continue.
As a dom you must respect your sub and their limits if you are to create a partnership that is meaningful and lasting. Training takes time and each time your sub realises that they are safe they may consent to go a little further, this is how we push the boundaries safely.