Trust is a key element of any partnership but in a kink partnership I have found it even more so, especially when you are using restrains or engaging in risky things like breath play.
I have come to realise that Sir ( my Dom ) is a Unicorn.
Sir has been very careful to build my trust in him and the result is that I have become much more open to things that would have been limits for me previously. In the past there simply hasn’t been enough trust for me to fully give myself over to previous doms. Willing submission is a key tenet of kink play, it cannot occur without trust and trust requires open communication and respect for limits.
Sirs training recently has begun to include breath play (choking ) and deep throating. Both of these are things that I have been keen to try but which require a lot of trust. In the past I haven’t felt comfortable enough with my partners to really enjoy this. Yesterdays session with Sir was the first time that I felt really confident enough to give myself over completely to Sir and put my safety in his hands. The result was that we both reached a new level of enjoyment I hadn’t experienced before.
So how do you build trust in a kink partnership?
Open communication without slut shaming or judgement is incredibly important.
A sub should feel like they can share anything with their dom about what they enjoy and what their limits are.
Slut shaming your sub can make them feel unworthy or that their own needs are unreasonable. This is never the case and if you are a sub you should not submit yourself to a dom who treats you in this way.
Slut shaming or judging your sub can also lead to them taking risks, keeping quiet about their limits, or not stopping play that causes them an injury. This is unacceptable, it can leave your sub depressed and even feeling abused. As a dom you are responsible for your subs safety and well being, mind AND body.
Knowing what you are both interested in will make training far more satisfying physically and mentally. In the past I have had doms who were only concerned with their own needs and disregarded their subs as “just there to serve”. Why would I submit willingly to a dom who does nothing for me?
It’s impossible to trust someone who consistently does things you have told them not too.
A dom who does not respect limits does not understand consent and is unworthy of your service.
NO MEANS NO!
As a sub always remember your limits are to be respected and play must be consensual. A dom may push your limits if you have spoken about what is acceptable to you. Sometimes pushing a limit can expand your experience and help you reach new levels of enjoyment. To facilitate this always use safe words and something like the “red, yellow, green” system.
Red = STOP IMMEDIATELY.
Yellow = I’m reaching my limit but I’m okay to keep going.
Green = Please continue.
As a dom you must respect your sub and their limits if you are to create a partnership that is meaningful and lasting. Training takes time and each time your sub realises that they are safe they may consent to go a little further, this is how we push the boundaries safely.
Here’s a little cheap introduction to my alter ego WISHBONE for you x
Okay, this post might raise some debate. As a locked boy “shrinking” is something that I think about. If I don’t use it will I lose it?
A lot of the locked boys that I see in my feeds are using chastity to shrink their dicks by gradually using smaller and smaller cages over time. It’s an aspect of the kink and the fetish that I’m not in too. I am not caged as a way of being emasculated or feminised. My dick is caged by Sir as a symbol of my submission to him.
Shrinking my dick holds no interest for me so I decided to do a little research about whether this is actually something that happens to lads who are caged long term and if it’s something that I should be concerned about.
I’ve been doing quite a bit of research online and the general consensus is that permanent shrinking of your penis through chastity is a myth but that there is no way of decisively telling one way or the other because I have not been able to find any medical studies have been done on the subject.
Personally I haven’t experienced any shrinking or erectile disfunction since I began using chastity cages over a year ago. If anything my hardon is harder and bigger after being caged but that may just be because I’m horny as hell. My current locked period has now reached 162 days but I qualify this by saying that I have removed my cage to shower and check everything is healthy on a regular basis, and I have had no problems getting hard nor have I noticed any change in size. I also deliberately wear a cage that is large and doesn’t restrict or compress my dick too much because I prefer the aesthetic of a big locked dick.
Natural shrinking can occur with age, smoking and reduced testosterone, also gaining weight can make your dick appear to get shorter but when it comes to chastity the anecdotal evidence seems to suggest that most penises return to their original length and size over a matter of days as the blood flow and tissue stretching returns.
The main concern seems to be with longterm permanent chastity and the side effects to your health and regular bodily function. I did find some anecdotes from men who claimed to had been locked for five and six years who suffered from enlarged prostates and other problems as a result.
But anecdotal evidence from chastity bloggers including myself is not a reliable source of information on this question so I’m reluctant to quote or share those sources here.
Instead I think the last word should be from a medical professional.
In this 2013 article by Dan Savage the Urologist Stephen H. King, MD said,
“Nocturnal/spontaneous erections are hypothesized to exist to encourage blood flow and stretching of the vascular and erectile tissue to keep it healthy and prevent atrophy.”
and goes on to say,
“As a urologist, my primary concern is long-term health and preservation of erectile function ‘down the road,’ so I tend to err on the cautious side, especially in someone young with many good erections ahead of him,” said Dr. King. “So if LOCKED came to my clinic with this question, I’d certainly caution against any long-term or continuous use of such a device, anything more than four to six hours, if it places any significant compression on the tissue directly.”
So in my opinion if I was going to draw a personal conclusion from what I’ve found it would be that I should go ahead and enjoy my chastity cage but that I should remove it regularly and enjoy rubbing one out as well. Using my dick is as much fun as not using it.
What ever you decide about your chastity journey remember that safety should always win over fantasy. Listen to your body and if you have concerns then speak to a qualified medical professional.
Every week Sir sets me tasks. These can be anything from recording my workouts to regular chastity checks and other interesting little jobs. They are usually good fun and push my exhibitionist buttons. This weeks task was particularly good and Sir has allowed me to share it with you.
Sir asked me to make a short film for him with a vintage flavour in the style of his favourite vintage Porn scene.
This is what I came up with. It’s very amateur and the sound has a few bumps in it but I think it works.