4 thoughts on “LOCKED BOY DIARY – What qualities make a good Dom in my experience.”

  1. New arm band cuff?

    You are an adorable and very obedient sub/boy. I like how you always refer to your master/sir with respect and gratitude. Good job.

  2. Once again a very informative and honest expression of your view and expectations. Well done Shannon. much Love and Peace XXX

  3. So, I just found your page here from your Twitter. An interesting page set, certainly, and an interesting video. However, I was a tad concerned about a couple of key points.

    1> Not “respecting your limits”. Yes, any Dom/Master/Owner AND sub/slave/doll/gimp/pony/pup need to respect the others’ limits. However, what struck me about your statement was that the Dom that you felt violated by for not respecting your physical pain limits…. Did he actually kick you in the balls? Did he actually _do_ any of the things he talked about? Did you discuss such with him after? I’m asking because it’s perfectly possible that he was just expressing his kink in verbalizing such without actually doing anything like that. Just walking away from him like that is certainly one way to go about it, but ultimately, it might have been for bad reasons. If you were to tell me that you had a problem with being collared for , I would certainly be curious as to why, but if I asked how bad it was in negotiation up front and you said, “Meh, it’s not bad. Just don’t lock a collar on me”, and then you panicked and left suddenly because you *saw* a collar on the counter and it was only ever kept there, that would definitely not strike me as a violation of your limits per our discussion points.

    2> It’s not so much a direct problem here, but it’s a …. reminder for everyone. Kink shaming. Sadly, that’s one of those pesky terms that means a WHOLE lot of different things to different people. But one thing IS clear, denigration play isn’t your kink. And that’s entirely fine. But again, others love that kind of humiliation so it’s important to divide up the times for humiliation/denigration talk/treatment between negotiation time and play time.

    Also, on this same topic, it’s important to remember that the drive to NOT kink shame goes both ways. (Of course, nearly everything discussed here goes both ways. If you want a Dom to respect you, and see you as a viable sub/slave/whatever, treat him/her/them with honesty, and clarity, not fucking around just to earn punishment.) Even recently with a few folk that I thought were members in good standing in the broader kink community, I found that they were ….. quite opaque about what they did and didn’t want, and were either caustic about talking about them at all, or were so confounding about what was and wasn’t on the table that I had no qualms about simply withdrawing my interest. So, always keep in mind that the negotiation is MUTUAL. M/s is often cited as being all about the Master and the slave just doesn’t matter for many of the things brought up here for a healthy relationship. But even with the “most extensive” TPE, it’s still a 50/50 split for making the situation and relationship work. And any and all discussions need to reflect that.

    Finally, and this isn’t necessarily a direct negative from the above video, but I did want to bring this up so it’s clear to folk at least how I feel about it. Communication doesn’t (again, even in an M/s context) magically end once negotiation is done. If a Dom or sub tries to shut down communications outside the context of the playtime, even to discuss the playtime, that’s a great sign to just walk away and not let them trouble you further. But, and this is a VERY unfortunate feature of the human condition, we’re all human, and we’ll all fuck up. It could be something as simple as a misunderstanding that caused a problem. Take the collar example I posed earlier. I asked, you stated, I worked from there. But for whatever reason either you were unprepared to even “see” one, or you did a very poor job of communicating just how hard a limit such was, it is still much more appropriate to at least try and discuss the issue in deeper meaning with that person after. Yes, you “can” run away from that person, screeching that they didn’t “respect your limits” and “tried to force something”. But if you have that experience more and more with various Doms/subs, you’re not going to be building a reputation as a responsible, sane player in the community. And then you’ll find yourself having a great deal of difficulty finding partners because of it.

    Communication, honest direct and respectful, is the key to setting up a great scene time, and laying the ground work for a possibly great relationship. But you’ve got to be ready to address fuckups on both/all players’ parts. They will happen, despite the best of intentions. And for those noobs reading this, please understand it is _perfectly acceptable_ to say, “I really don’t know about that. I’ve not had any thoughts or experience with it so far, so I have no idea if I’d love it or hate it. If you want to explore it with me, if we could go slow, with clear stages, that would help most, I think.” If the Dom/Master/Owner/Trainer/whatever agrees, and does so then you’re exploring your broader better perspective. Be honest, be open. The less you hide, the more you can explore. Yes, that also means with limits and desires both. As stated earlier, your limits should be respected and the agreed upon desires for play should be honored as best they can be by both. But don’t assume the worst based on a bad experience. Language is limited both by our ability to convert thoughts and feelings into words, and by the recipient converting them successfully back to those same thoughts and feelings. So don’t assume anything, and be as honest and clear as you can be.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.