Okay I admit it I didn’t go cold Turkey. I had sex, but how’d the abstinence thing work out for me?
So a while ago I posted about abstaining from sex and now a few months later it’s time to look back on how things are going. I haven’t been entirely celibate, abstinence for me hasn’t been about eliminating sex from my life entirely. It’s about taking a break from the hook up culture and recognising the impact that it has had on my life and my connections with the people around me, it’s about regaining control of Sex and making it mean something again.
Over the last 3 months I have had a couple of trysts but for the most part sex has been something that I have been holding back. It’s early days yet but there have been some very noticeable changes in my own behaviour and how I am feeling about sex at the moment.
So what’s happened in the short time since removing myself from the hookup culture?
Not worrying about hooking up has meant that without the pressure to get my end wet all the time I am actually getting more out of my new friendships. I’m really enjoying meeting new people now and going out to do fun things with out that sexual tension that we all put on ourselves. I did hold back from hanging out a little in the beginning because I was worried about leading people on but I think thats more about the culture of hookup expectation. When you lay out the rules that sex is off the table people will either leave because thats all they want or they will stay because they actually like being around you.
It’s also had other benefits.
I’m not constantly checking my phone for Grindr messages while coffee dates and dinners have become much more enjoyable.
I spend a lot less cash on credit and data for my phone… thats a bonus.
I don’t feel so shit when I get rejected because I’m not attaching my self esteem to how much I’m get laid or who I’m hooking up with. I’m not competing for the hot guys in my head anymore.
My sense of self worth has improved. Instead of feeling good about hooking up I’m starting to look for more worthwhile connections. But even better I’m starting to think about hooking up as secondary to meeting someone nice again. I’d rather have a lasting friend now than just another fuck.
I jerk off A LOT! I’m probably going to have to replace my poor pillow.
It’s not just a dramatic decrease in my use of Grindr. My everyday cruising has become much more enjoyable. Instead of becoming the hookup Terminator every time I leave the house looking at every hot ass and cute smile through cross hairs I’m just swanning around free of that air of desperation that the need to hook up creates.
SO I’m enjoying the reduced craziness in my life and having the energy to just meet people with no pressure. Now that work is about to get insane again I’m sure i’ll appreciate no more late nights staring at Grindr too but only time will tell, I’m getting hunger pains a lot right now hehe.