Gay 101. How to be a better Top.

No matter how awesome we think we are in bed, most of us could always afford to add some new tricks to our bag.

I have met guys who were amazing and guys who were just plain awful. The differences between them were not as great as you might think.

As mostly bottom I’ve had my fair share of great and rotten sex and there are a few things I have learnt that might help you when you are getting busy.

Contrary to popular opinion I find it is your brain and not a rock hard dick that is your best tool for being an awesome Top.

To be a better Top there are a few things that I think you should know first.

Anal sex can hurt. I sometimes think that the best Tops are guys who also Bottom because knowing how it feels and how painful it can be. The biggest problem most Tops have is that they don’t pay attention to their partner. They start the joust at full gallop. If you are going to Top remember that if you injure your partner before you even get started nobody is going to have a good time. I have on more than one occasion been with a Top who has shoved it in hard and hurt me so badly that I have had to stop and tell them to go home. There’s only one way to describe a Top who does that… Selfish Twat.

3 things will help you get started.

Fingers and tongues.

They go everywhere with you and are a great way to get your Bottom going. Gently rubbing with the pads of your fingers or licking around the anus (called rimming ) feels awesome and you will notice when they relax and the tension eases. It’s at this point that you can be a little more forceful butt.. don’t just shove it in up to the knuckles and remember fingernails hurt. Sucking and biting is incredibly uncomfortable and huge no no for me too.

LUBE LUBE LUBE. I mean seriously guys. What are you thinking!

Silicon, water based, spit… it doesn’t matter. USE IT.

Take it easy at the start.

The worst thing you can do is just jam it in unless your Bottom is experienced and even then not always. I find the best way to start is is to slowly slide it in (with plenty of lube ). Don’t get creative yet. Just watch and listen to their reaction. It gives them time to relax. It’s at this point that I have learned it’s better to grind rather than fuck. It’s the “in and out” that can be painful in the beginning but grinding slow is hot, passionate and a great way to start.

As the heat increases your instincts should take over. I don’t really need to explain what to do next but here are a couple of things to avoid in general.

Pulling out completely and punching back in looks great in porn but for a btm it  can feel more like getting stabbed than pleasurable. Try to avoid it unless your bottom indicates that it’s okay.

Jack hammering away like a rabbit in order to reach the finish line as soon as possible is bad form. Vary the speed and tempo, tease and build. Thats the way to do it.

Don’t blow and go. Don’t be selfish. I’ve met plenty of Tops who are only interested in getting themselves off.. Make sure your partner gets off too. If you’re good you can time it so you get off together.

Once things get going here are a few more tips that I have found make a big difference for me.

Mix up your positions.

Remember if your Bottom is going off then your going to have a much better time too. Move around, see what works and what makes it fun for both of you. Don’t be a star fish.

Don’t be afraid to make some noise.

Grunting, groaning, calling out his name and a little dirty talk are all great ways of letting him know you like something. Letting him know you like it, has the added bonus of encouraging him to do it more.

Get handy.

The beast with two backs also has 2 mouths, four nipples, four arms and four legs. Not to mention any number of “spots”. Use them. biting and moaning in his ear as you thrust, licking his neck and gently pulling his hair as you hammer him in to the mattress and jerking him off as you fuck are a few suggestions.

Watch your size.

For those of you who are bigger than average, going balls deep might not be the most comfortable act for your partner. Use common sense. I’ve had Tops who were a good 10″ make my toes curl and others who just made me want to climb off them and go home. Don’t be a selfish douche.

Play safe.

Some Tops I have met have had the crazy idea that it’s the bottoms job to bring a condom. Everybody is responsible for safe sex. A rubber and a lube sachet in your back pocket is your best friend. If you’re going to play bareback make sure you discuss your status first, PREP offers protection against HIV but it doesn’t protect against other STD’s. Be responsible and respectful of your partner.

Sex is messy, sticky and there are no real hard and fast rules but if you want to up your game the easiest way to do it is to pay attention to what works and doesn’t work for your partner. Increasing their enjoyment will increase yours as well.

Happy fucking.


Got any tips of your own? Leave a comment below and tell us.



18 thoughts on “Gay 101. How to be a better Top.

  • September 15, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    Awesome.. As a totally vers guy myself – I totally agree…

    I also think these so called ‘Macho Top Only’ guys should touch their toes just once to understand exactly what goes on down there..

    Thanks Shannon 🙂

    • March 13, 2015 at 10:26 am

      Yeah nah
      I like being top only and my fianceé likes being bottom only
      Neither of us are versatile at all and that’s perfectly okay

      • October 25, 2015 at 1:09 pm

        Yo… Do contact me please

  • September 15, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    I totally agree! I like fucking slow and sensual instead of fast — and I am a better top since I’m also a bottom 😉

  • September 15, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    Shannon does this mean you’re amazing in bed? 😛

  • September 17, 2012 at 6:44 am

    I agree with everything except for the part about timing it so we both get off together. That’s fun every once and a while, but more often than not I prefer not to. I can get as much joy out of my partner’s orgasm as he does just by being there for him, being fully aware, listening to the noises he makes, taking notice of the way his body contorts and his muscles spasm. That’s just as hot as anything, and he can do the same for me as well, but we can’t do any of that if we’re both cumming at the same time.

    • August 6, 2015 at 12:17 am

      Yeah and it can sometimes be hard to time, especially with less experience. I enjoy knowing that I’m about to take/have taken a load in my hole anyway and masturbate over that fact later if it’s not a longer engagement or if I’m not into the guy but I’m meeting with him cause I just want to get fucked up the butt.

  • September 22, 2012 at 1:06 am

    Good advice, now i wish i could have u in my bed

  • October 7, 2012 at 6:43 am

    How to be a better top?

    Simple – don’t be a greedy bastard.

    Have some consideration for your partner’s needs and feelings. And if you get off, make sure he gets off, or more accurately, make sure you get him off.

    The game should end in a tie … if you know what I mean.

  • October 10, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    If you are bringing someone back to your place, be like a boy scout – Be Prepared.

    It wouldn’t hurt to have a stash of small hand towels close by, and I mean very close by. Sex is messy, as Shannon said, and when you are done, it is nice to be able to clean up a bit. If not cloth towels then a stash of strong paper towels.

    And on the subject of cleaning up, here is a trick I’ve found. I mix some alcohol with a bit of aloe or lub, just enough to make it the consistency of thin syrup. The reason, when the alcohol is thicker, it doesn’t run between your fingers, and is less messy. You can even add a couple of drops of general non-toxic cleaner. Though a couple of drop is more than enough.

    I like to use GIN. Though if you want high strength you could use some Bacardi 151 (151 proof, 75,5%), or Ever Clear, (190 proof grain alcohol) and if you want, add a few ounces of Gin to it, because the Gin has a nice smell and taste. You can even add some lemon flavoring from the Baking area of the grocery store. Keep in mind most flavorings like this are mostly alcohol.

    You can even use common Hand Sanitizer as it is mostly Ethel alcohol, but it has perfume in it to make it taste bitter. But bitter or not, it is non-toxic when used in the amounts we are talking about. But because of the perfume, it is definitely bitter.

    So even if you’ve used a condom, you can still clean you nether regions as well as hands with this alcohol.

    I also keep a small spray bottle with Alcohol, again typically Gin, this can also be used to spray areas you want to clean including your mouth. Because it is a fine mist, it is not likely to run all over the place.

    In my case, I had a bed with a bookcase headboard, and a small bottle of Gel Alcohol, a spray bottle of gin, and an assortment of ‘tea’ towels fit nicely, and were very handy.

    Like it or not, whether top or bottom, sex like this is not the most sanitary of activities, and it certainly helps everyone if you are prepared for immediate clean up. Also, it wouldn’t hurt to get a Hepatitis vaccination. Highly recommended for all gay boys.

    Remember, you don’t want to trade a lifetime for just one moment.

    Have Fun, Play Safe, Be Prepared … no really … be prepared.

  • January 11, 2014 at 12:26 pm

    I’ve bottomed a few times but mostly I’ve topped. Had no complaints either and before my ex I wasn’t that good of a top, but I had a guy that would communicate with me and tell me what would work and what wouldn’t. That made our sex life BONKERS (in a good way of course)

    It’s about being sensitive to your bottom. I hate the whole “Macho Top” that wants to “beat it up”

  • January 28, 2014 at 4:50 pm

    I love the article . And for sure i would love to hear about you’s well written. I would love too hear your adventures. ???

  • August 4, 2015 at 12:24 pm

    The thing that sucks is that if you are known to have bottomed once, most guys have this image of you in their minds of being effeminate and unworthy of topping and they get turned off. Sometimes a little roleplay can be a great way to turn things around and show them your aggressive side. I typically bottom with my bf but once in a while I’ll put on my camouflage hat, bring out my dormant texan accent, and be a total redneck douchebag who just wants a hole. It’s totally not me but I love it because when I do it well I can see that it turns him on to have me take control. Remember, the eternal top or eternal bottom that sleeps in your bed may have been the exact opposite in another relationship or even a fling. You don’t know how different they may have been with other guys. Switch things up, find out what turns him on, don’t be afraid to get kinky and dirty, and don’t let yourself become stuck in a boring sexual rut! Life’s too short for that!

  • August 6, 2015 at 12:14 am

    Great articles! I also read the one on bottoming. I recently purchased Doc Johnson’s Jelly Delight toy and I’ve noticed that it gets my hole really really loose compared to before I start with it. However, I’ve never used it prior to anal. I wonder if this loosness would make it better for the top too. I’m willing to guess so, as it’ll hurt me less and so both will enjoy more… and I’m still pretty tight, having just started bottoming, so fucking me is not like throwing a hot dog down a train tunnel. I’ve also never topped.

  • April 29, 2016 at 6:23 am

    my ex bf used to beat the crap out of me. i was made to have sex with him or get beat up if i didnt. I was forced to watch porn iwantucams_com/search/model/age/18to19 with him. Our friends thought i should stay with him no matter what. I believe God loves me and certainly wouldnt have wanted me to stay in that relationship as he would never be cured, and hasnt to this day. i most certainly would have been dead by now if i had stayed.

  • September 22, 2016 at 5:25 am

    I completely agree with all of this. I’m a top but have had a versatile partner and I’ve bottomed for him. I never thought I was doing anything special as a top besides making sure my partner is as comfortable as possible and I make sure he gets off too. I’ve been told I’m much better than most which surprised me.


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