Gay 101. Can non Versatile relationships work? What happens when you are both tops or bottoms.


A blog reader wrote to me some time ago and asked me what happens when both guys in a relationship are Tops or bottoms? Can this kind of relationship work?

Sex is an important part of a relationship but it is not the only thing.

My first relationship I was almost exclusively the bottom. I considered myself a bottom and even after that relationship ended I dated almost exclusively guys who were Tops. Then I met someone and as the chemistry played itself out I was almost always the Top and I loved it. When you meet somebody that you have feelings for then sexual chemistry and your preferences can change.

Of course not everybody is versatile and we all have our preferences. The key I think is communication and a willingness to accommodate your partner and your partners willingness to reciprocate. If you have really strong feelings for a person then you may find pleasing them is something that opens you up to new things.

Men Holding Hands 2The question, can a relationship between two bottoms or two tops work supposes that the most important factor for compatibility is sexual preference. That’s simply not true, sex is not the only form of intimacy and anal sex is not the only form of sex. Basing your compatability with a person on a single physical act is a little shortsighted. The deep emotional connection of a relationship with somebody and the satisfaction that connection can bring may be far more rewarding than the actual act of getting off.

Being in a relationship is something that effects you on both emotional and physical levels. Some couples can happily be together in open relationships, some don’t engage in anal sex. Others may play together to satisfy their needs while some will indulge each other with toys and other marital aids, there are endless variations. Whether or not you are willing to build on your relationship is really important. If you don’t want to work at it then your probably doomed to failure anyway.

So the answer to the question I think is this,

Yes they can work and yes they can fail. But approach relationships with an open mind and be willing to at least try to put as much importance on your partners needs as you do on your own. I suspect that sexual incompatibility as a reason for many failed relationships is not always the real answer, just the easy one.

What do you think? Leave a comment and tell us.



4 thoughts on “Gay 101. Can non Versatile relationships work? What happens when you are both tops or bottoms.

  • September 18, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    Shannon you make some good points. Sexual incompatibility could be a symptom of another problem.

  • September 23, 2014 at 3:11 pm

    my boyfriend and I are both and have a very healthy and satisfying sex life without anal sex.

  • October 5, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    All valid points Shannon, thank you.

  • October 27, 2014 at 9:12 pm

    Why do boys have to do this fucking thing? Top and bottom, I never understood that but I happen to know what it means now. All those straighties that make movies for us think all gays are into fucking. I have known so many sexy boys and we never fucked or had a desire to do it but still had great sex. Watching fucking is terribly boring.
    I hope I get a reply to this, plese reply! Is it me that is the weird guy?


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