Often when I can’t workout or when I feel like I have lost weight, tone, or strength it comes with a really deep sense of frustration.
I feel like all the hard work of the previous years and months has been wasted. It’s a vanity thing too because obviously the more attractive I feel the more confident I am. I have also noticed that it’s very obvious that the times when I am the most flirty and naughty on the blog are also the times when I am feeling the most confident.
If I don’t workout for a week then I don’t like posting selfies… it’s a cycle that is becoming increasingly unhealthy where my confidence and self esteem are closely locked in to how I think I look. All I ended up doing was making myself look in the mirror and think… not good enough.
Lately that has begun to change.
As I get older and my lifestyle becomes busier and busier I have now found other things to attach my confidence too other than just the way I look. Work, friendships and a thousand other things that are important to me have become an increasingly important part of my life and my identity. I realise in the past when I was feeling like I had nothing to offer, the gym and my body were the one thing I felt I could control and so I attached my sense of self worth to them. Now I have other more important things in my life that bring me satisfaction and confidence.
When I think about my fitness and what I want to get out of it, I have started thinking less about words like, Pecs Muscle, abs, Twunk and more about words like strength, flexibility, health and longevity. As I get older and get to know my body better my expectations have changed. What I really want now is for the Hamburger meat my body’s made of to last as long as possible.
My appearance is still important to me but it’s more about being healthy and fit rather than looking like a model, because when I’m healthy everything else is a bonus including looking the part. On the days I beat myself up I remind myself that I’m focussing on the way I look again and remember the reason why I’m really here.