Could the blonde come back?

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On this #throwbackthursday I ask myself, Could the blonde come back?

A friend of mine stayed with me in London for the weekend on his way back to Australia. I’m very jealous that while he’s going to be enjoying beach days and parties in the sunshine I’m going to be freezing my arse of in Ole’blighty. But the reason for this post is something that he said to me while he was here. I was talking about how some of the guys on Grindr had told me I was too Asian in my profile pic.

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I was discussing with him the fact that I used to blonde my hair to cover up my Asian heritage because of the “No Asians” mentality that I had experienced in the Gay Community back home. I commented to him that I thought things might be different here but that I had largely experienced exactly the same thing. I had come here and expected the guys to be a little more tolerant and a little more worldly because of the diversity and the cultural heritage of Europe, but I have discovered that while the foreigners I have met here are quite open minded, the local boys are not.

I’ve talked before about racism in the Gay community and gotten a mixed response. This post isn’t about racism, this post is about my reaction to it and what my friend pointed out was me changing my behaviour as a result.

The truth is that I really like being a blonde and setting the reasons for that aside, should I stop doing something that makes me happy? Should I resist something that “suits me”, just because I’m trying to make a point, which to be nobody else is really thinking about?

Am I setting aside the blonde because I think I should grow up, when really it’s not what I want to do at all?

Am I setting aside the blonde because I’m being myself or is being myself being blonde?

Am I liking the idea of being blonde again because I’m grasping at a time in my past that was super fun?

I’m starting to feel like it’s  just a bunch of wanky, angsty over thinking.

Is it giving in, being myself, or protesting a problem I’m the only I can see?

Lets be honest, going blonde again would be fun. Is it really so bad to colour my hair? Is my sense of self so fragile that such a cosmetic change will destroy it? If that’s the case then I have much bigger problems.

There are things we do everyday to create the image that we want others to see. How much of this is our authentic selves is something we can only know, but for those of you who think you are broken or fake or not being true to yourself I ask you this question;

If life is a journey and if we are all constantly learning and improving on ourselves, if we are growing and always seeking to be the kind of person we want to be then every version of ourselves good and bad, successful and failed is real.

Realness comes from knowing the journey and accepting that everyday you are not the person you were the day before. Realness is about having the wisdom to admit that in all things you are an unfinished work of art.

So lets see how things work out. If real is about just being me then even the bad decisions are worth giving a go.

 

Stay tuned.

11 thoughts on “Could the blonde come back?

  • October 1, 2015 at 9:11 pm
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    Shannon – I may be weird, but I never thought you looked particularly “Asian” in any way, I started following you way back when you were blond and have continued since you went au natural, You look VERY SEXY either way!!!

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  • October 1, 2015 at 10:18 pm
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    I like you with black hair I like you with blond. You are more than the color of the hair that grows out of your head. We cannot let people defined us by any one thing unless we choose to let that define us. If you choose to change your hair change it. Don’t think to hard about it and let assholes who can’t see beyond your hair and what they believe it makes you, find someone better than you.

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  • October 2, 2015 at 5:37 am
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    A couple of years ago I wrote that I was unaware of a gay bias against Asians. Boy was I wrong. So there is no accounting for preferences. You look good irrespective of the hair color of your choice. And as a friend once said, “If other people don’t like you, that’s their problem.” Indeed!

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  • October 2, 2015 at 5:53 am
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    Shannon, I had no idea of your heritage until some years ago you explained your genetic makeup. To me you have always been an awesome (in many ways, physically and intellectually) guy; blond or dark. For most of my life (prob 30 years) I have made my hair lighter, but in the last few years I have decided that my natural grey is now the way to go. You do with your hair whatever you want, you are pleasing yourself not someone else, they should take you as you are (PS I would take you!)

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  • October 2, 2015 at 7:57 am
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    What are you on about? You are a stunning number Black, Blond we like you cause you are you. Tell the other vwankers to get lost.

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  • October 2, 2015 at 6:03 pm
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    Just do what makes you happy fuck what people think that’s how I go through life and it’ fun.

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  • October 3, 2015 at 3:28 pm
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    I too have had issues with racism in the gay community and being black, I can’t exactly hide my ethnicity (I’m very dark skinned so there’s no passing off as anything else haha). But that aside, I too had to ask myself these questions when I decided to get eye muscle surgery for my lazy eye. The surgery corrected the alignment, but I’ll never be able to see clearly out of it so I was really questioning if I was only doing it to look more attractive and if it was worth the cost of surgery. It was a really tough decision and really made me think about my own self-confidence. I grew up being teased about my eye, but as I got to secondary school and university, I grew into being comfortable with it because there was nothing I could do to change it. After getting the surgery, I looked at myself in the mirror for a while and realized that I didn’t feel any different. I just started focusing on other parts of myself that I don’t like even more. I definitely only did it to look more attractive but I didn’t feel more attractive afterwards. I haven’t tried the apps yet with the aligned eye since it’s still red and healing, but I’ll keep you updated haha.

    I’ve been following you for a few years now and I never paid attention to your race until you wrote a post about it, but I’m still here! Even after that post it hasn’t mattered to me. I think you’re a great guy have a lot to offer. A guy that writes you off because of your race isn’t worth your time. Do you really want to be with something (relationship, hook up, or even a friend) who has a strong opinion about your hair color and race? Your black hair can be a great bullshit detector and filter out a lot of crappy guys. Whether or not you decide to dye your hair is ultimately your choice and it’s definitely difficult one to make (although you can change back at any time). I know that comes off as hypocritical since I got the surgery. But the surgery hasn’t really changed the way I feel about myself. I think you should go blonde for yourself. Don’t do it for shitty guys that don’t deserve to know how great you are (both in body and mind).

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  • October 4, 2015 at 5:36 pm
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    You always look incredible to me Shannon. Please don’t stress over the hair.

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  • October 8, 2015 at 1:40 am
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    I obviously speak from a position of privilege, since I am caucasian and I never had to deal with racist attitudes thrown at me. That said I really never understood how any ethnic tract could make anyone unattractive.
    I understand different people having different tastes, and I can understand a preference for any somatic tract, but the moment anyone says “you look too asian (or black, or any other ethnicity) they are just being racist, and no “I’m not racist, this is just a matter of taste” justification excuses that.

    For the case in point, I did not know Shannon has Asian heritage (I started following the blog constantly just recently even though I checked it on and off for years), I just know that (besides being an intelligent and nice person, at least from what he shares here) that he is HOT. Yes, now that I know he has asian heritage I guess I can see some tracts in the way he looks but that doesn’t change his hotness in any way. Now, I bet that there is people out there that don’t find Shannon attractive, and that’s OK, but if their reason for that is that he looks “too asian”… I guess I’ll be shallow and say “good for us that appreciate this hottie, less competition!”. But fuck them anyway.

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  • October 8, 2015 at 11:11 pm
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    Shannon do what you want to do for you not for others. As you say the journey is all the good and the bad how do you know until you go and try. So you dye your head hair blonde and guys drool over you until your in the sack and discover dark pubes (trimmed of course) what then do they stop and say nah no thanks. They are so narrow minded and I wouldn’t give them the time of the day. Be yoursef, do what you want to do and be happy. Peace babe. XXX

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  • October 10, 2015 at 5:47 am
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    my mother of 65 years for the last years has been putting pink highlights in her hair. She felt like a change and now she is getting to the idea that she will go back to having no highlights.

    I’m not saying that you should put pink in your hair but we all go thru changes. sometimes that changes is short term and sometimes it can be for longer than we would like and sometimes it’s not longer that we would like.

    But don’t put it in for the fun times. I am sure you can have fun without going blond again. I couldn’t care less about if you looked Asian and to be honest (as you know I have been following you for a long time) and I didn’t even notice it until you said something. I think you are beautiful just the way you are.

    Perhaps it’s a more of a case of the people you are trying to attract (those that care about outside) than just accepting who you are.

    Reply

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