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2020 My year in kink.
A quick lockdown catch up.
Should kink Pups be allowed at Pride?
If pride is to be about inclusivity and a celebration of Queer culture then we should remember that we must not only associate a persons kink with their sexual life. One of the key tenets of Pride is that we are more than just who we sleep with. Is it not possible to enjoy a fetish lifestyle that is not highly sexual? The same standard must apply to the Pups as is applied to the leather men, the bears, and other kink and fetish groups.
Pup play can be a soft entry for many young LGBTQ persons in to the kink community. Speaking from experience I found the Kink community extremely predatory and quite intimidating when I first started to explore. There are a lot things about the pup community that offer young LGBTQ persons a safe and supported environment in which they can play. The pack structure, the hierachry of Alphas, beta’s and omegas all create a sense of belonging.
There are quite a few misconceptions about pup play that need to be cleared up.
Pup play is not always sexual. I have met and played at moshes with many Pups of all genders and sexualities. For many it is away to find a closeness and a level of intimacy that is not possible to find elsewhere in the Kink community, there is wrestling, cuddling, ball games and the fun stuff. Munches were great social events where we all went out for dinner together. In a community crying out for intimacy the Pup community is safe place for many to find it.
The sense of community and the camaraderie that the pack offers to people coming out on to the scene or trying to meet new people is invaluable. It provides a network and support system that can be hard to find in the community particularly for young people.
Pride has always pushed the boundaries and fostered conversation about sexuality through theatre and public subversion. To tell one group that they cannot participate because you do not consent or do not agree with their lifestyle is the language of the oppressor.
Pride began as a protest, it means many things too many people. All movements and conversations evolve and new voices and new insights are added. If you would prefer to exclude somebody rather than have an open conversation with your child or yourself about diversity or sexuality then you are not really engaging with what pride is.
Public decency and public nudity laws already exist to protect the public good. These laws are applied equally to all participants in the parade and at the event. There is no reason why the Pups should be treated any differently.
Lockdown hookups.
Well here we are at the beginning of week four of six of the second lockdown here in Melbourne. All our figures are dropping and thats great but one thing that hasn’t dropped is the number of hookup requests I’ve been getting. I haven’t been on Grindr in aaaaages but I still get messages from guys online through my socials asking when we will be able to hookup.
Hookup culture sucks at the best of times but in the middle of a pandemic it’s even more dangerous. I guess one of the hardest things for me about this whole situation has been realising that there are some people out there who we will just never be able to reach with the message to do the right thing. There are just too many of us ( the gay community ) out there putting our need to get our dicks wet before keeping each other safe.
The first weekend of this second lockdown I got a message, “three tops here”. Fuck I wanted to go over so badly. Three keen Tops in the one place is like catching lightning in a bottle and the chances of me getting COVID from any of them was pretty small, but I still said no and here’s why.
I don’t want to be part of the legacy of selfishness that is adding to the hurt of so many people out there. People are losing their jobs, homes and lives because of people who thought it couldn’t happen to them. Who lawyered the risks in their head so they could justify doing whatever they wanted and who have contributed to the current situation we are in. I can’t make people do the right thing, but I can choose to do it myself. I can’t stop what’s happening, but I can control my own behaviour.
It’s fucking hard staying indoors, giving up sex, missing out on enjoying the sunshine with my friends, I get it. It’s depressing not having those supports around me and not seeing my family in almost 4 months, but whats the alternative? I look at my feeds everyday and see people partying and ignoring social distancing advice and it gives me FOMO but even more it makes me angry that friends would put each other at risk.
I’d also love to be out hooking up and making content for you. There are only so many solos you can do. But it’s important to me to do the right thing. So thank you everybody for following and for your support during this time. This too will pass and we will all be on the beers together again soon.
LOCKED BOY DIARY – Upgraded to stainless steel.
About a month ago I ordered a new stainless steel chastity cage to upgrade my Holy Trainer Maxi.
I love the HT, it has been my most comfortable cage so far but I’ve been wearing it everyday and the plastic sadly isn’t holding up. The ring is bent and the lock has worn down so that the whole thing pops apart on its own with a little bit of pressure. The loose joints also catch the skin and so it’s time to upgrade.
My new stainless steel cage is not just more secure but also looks and feels more permanent than the plastic. I love the design of the HT so finding something with the same fit and aesthetic was important to me. The cage I found is from Amazon. I was careful ordering it because sizing can be tricky at the best of times and the quality of these cages can be poor if you aren’t careful with your choice. It took me some searching to find the one I liked. Many of the metal cages I saw look like bird cages which I don’t like, I wanted something more anatomically correct and enclosed. I am uncut and getting the ole foreskin caught in a cage is as painful as getting it caught in your zipper.
When you open the package it’s important to make sure you wash it thoroughly and check for any mould lines or sharp edges before you put it on. This particular cage feels really solid, wearing it feels a lot more snug than the plastic cage which bends and flexes when I get hard(ish). I got really lucky with this the sizing of this one, I deliberately went for the largest size. Having worn the HT before gave me a really good sense of the sizing I would need. It fits great and is almost the perfect size for me. The weight of it feels good too, its not too heavy to wear without underwear and bounces quite nicely when going commando in basketball shorts although id probably wear a jockstrap for gym or sport to prevent chaffing. It’s slightly smaller than my HT Maxi so it’s slightly more discrete. It still pinches and chaffs occasionally but it’s definitely more comfortable and the metal stays nice and warm.
I know there are those of you who would like to see me free again but thats just not where my head is at the moment. Being locked makes me more creative, makes sex more enjoyable and just fits with my sexual identity as a sub. Having now spent 24 hours in it, I’m confident that I’ll be able the reach day 200 and beyond.
It’s not just a collar – A quick look at Sirs collar and what it means.
Apart from chastity the thing that I get asked about the most is Sirs collar. In the Kink community and personally my collar is not about playing dress up. In the wider Gay community harnesses, collars and other Kink accoutrements are often worn as costume and although I’m pleased to see that kink is becoming more mainstream each item I wear is important to me.
My collar was custom made for me by Sir. That in itself means a lot to me because it symbolises Sirs personal commitment to me as Sirs boy. Sirs collar with its padlock represents his ownership of this boy and my submission to his authority over my body and certain agreed aspects of my life. This ownership requires that I will serve him and be available for his pleasure when required. It means that this boys body now belongs to Sir and that this boys pleasure is Sirs to give and take away as he pleases. Violations of this will bring punishment.
Sirs collar does not only show this boys commitment but also shows Sirs commitment to take on the responsibility for my training and take me under his protection. This means that I am not available for use by other Doms without his permission.
A collar is not something that a Master gives lightly, it took three months of commitment and training before Sir decided I was worthy of wearing his collar. It is not something that should be accepted lightly either. It is a symbol of commitment, Sir and I have a contract which clearly outlines the terms of our partnership. Both of us have responsibilities to each other built on mutual enjoyment and respectful conduct.
There are a variety of collars which mean different things and now that wearing a collar has become more mainstream within the Kink and wider Gay communities it’s important to know that they are not always about “dressing up”. Everybody’s kink is personal and unique if you meet somebody wearing a collar and are not sure what it means then just ask and as always be respectful.
Queer Dinosaur Merch is amazing!!!
I LOVE these cute as hell Pridosaur pins. I’ve already ordered my own Stegaysaurus pin and I can’t wait for it to arrive. It looks like these super cute pins are in high demand but it will be worth the wait.
They are already being plagiarised so if you want your own then please, Please support the original artists and get yours from www.pridosaurs.com and make sure you tell your friends about the originals too.
Ranty.
I’ve always been a little bit volatile, my responses to things that bother me have always been highly emotional. I used to be in control of those reactions but not so much anymore. Thats partly why I prefer to write my posts rather than make videos because it gives me a chance to draft and check my writing. Often a first draft is very emotional if its something that I’m passionate about and I can often comes across very angry. I used to be able to let things that bothered me just slide and I was better at letting go of things that just don’t matter, but I’ve noticed lately that I’ve been getting very ranty and negative, especially online. I used to try and keep my responses at least partially measured and thoughtful but lately my attitude has been “I’m over being nice”.
The problem is that I let things bother me now that would never have bothered me before. Small slights, Facebook posts, and all kinds of horrible things that people do set me off. Is it a personality trait coming out or is there something more to it and have I allowed myself to get swept up in cancel culture and the current climate of combative opinion?
Today I shared an Instagram profile about all the Karens who are making idiots of themselves. It’s a collection of all the worst videos of these people. What they are doing is horrendous and I immediately shared it. Later as I was walking to the shops I was reminded of an episode of The Orville where they visit a planet where there is no judicial system, everybody gets judged and sentenced by social media. People wiht poor ratings miss out on services and if you get judged really badly and you get lobotomised. It bothered me, although these were terrible people saying terrible things, that I was part of the mob, observing, sharing and sentencing. These people should be shamed but I don’t like mob justice and who am I to decided these things anyway?
Earlier today I rather abruptly responded to friends facebook post. It wasn’t even that the post was bad, I just popped a gasket and blew up. I ended up deleting the post and removing myself from the room. I worry that I’m turning in to a grumpy old man. My friends have even said it. I used to be so positive and easy going but now I allow things to trigger me that wouldn’t have in the past.
What’s going on?