Some weeks things are going well, your travelling, exploring and enjoying just how much fun this particular space in your life has become and then you hit a speed bump. Your motivation disappears and all you can do is sleep. Your body is tired but the sleep you crave seems to come from a different place. It comes from somewhere deep inside you that just wants to disappear from the world.
Then you start to think that all the fun and all the exploring was just to cover up the fact that you weren’t feeling quite right. You forget that it’s okay to have a bad day and start to think that maybe, just maybe you’re faking it.
I once heard depression described as the loss of vitality. You lose the motivation to take on even the most basic of necessities like cooking and cleaning and even showering.
But that was last week, and this is a new day.
Today you remember that there are going to be bad days and that a bad day doesn’t mean you’re having a bad life. You remember that you’ve beaten this before and that there is nothing to be afraid of.
We all have people we look to for inspiration. We value traits like courage, determination, strength, resilience, and even beauty.
These qualities take work. When I look at the people who inspire me I see that they are just like me in many respects. They have all at one time or another felt defeated, rejected or depressed but what sets them apart as inspirational is how they respond to the hurdles in their lives.
Resilience is like a muscle. The more you work on it the stronger it gets, actually the same can be said for all the traits we admire the most. Picking ourselves up and dusting ourselves off gets a little bit easier as we get a little bit stronger each time. When we fall and overcome we learn what we are capable of and with each knock we learn that it takes a little more each time to break us.
If I have learned anything from the tough weeks it’s that there is always a way through and that there is strength where I often think there is none. In some ways weeks like last week are bitter sweet because if it weren’t for the darker moments of self reflection I wouldn’t have come to know myself the way I do today.
So I’d say I’m back but I’ve come to understand I was never really gone, just a bit lost.